Music Horde

After yesterday’s decisive step, I can look with clear sight on my habits : I had saved 40 GB of music on my laptop, out of indigestion.  In the last six months or so, I’ve not been listening much to music.  All of it stinks of the past.  Maybe I’m somehow too sensitive to music (after all when I see well-done hollywood films I tend to shiver and cry from excitement), but every time I listen again to some track without the same company present, I begin to shiver and feel much too intensely.  And since I hadn’t bothered to find new music in quite some time, all my music thus afflicted me.  And the music took up so much space that I couldn’t download anything new either.  Yesterday’s step was the really obvious thing to do — to go through album by album and ask myself “Do you want to listen to this?”  I had always answered “Uh… some other time,” but now finally dared to delete it.

Keeping music you don’t want to listen to — that’s exactly how we disavow the past.  Listening to it confronts you with irreversible loss, but so does deleting it.  So you preserve it in this gaseous, undecided possibility.

I wonder how much everybody I used to know is changing.

I’ll be posting on this blog a bit more often, if nobody minds.  Though I’m very unsatisfied with the style of this post, hopefully I’ll work something out eventually.


2 Responses to “Music Horde”

  1. This makes me kind of sad but I know the kind of experience that you’re talking about. Sometimes I try not to stop listening to anything entirely lest it get frozen and marked out as in the past. But in getting pushed into the present it falls ill and decays quickly. In fact now that I ponder the matter, it strikes me that all of my music listening habits are in some way devised to strike a balance between these two uncomfortable paths.

  2. Brünnhilde Says:

    I have this reaction to music, too, and also other kinds of art. It’s been suggested to me lately that to be a good scholar one must retain a more stable distance from the works analyzed–a thought that makes me question whether I’m actually cut out to study literature for the rest of my life.

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